No me pidas un beso mientras como mi hotdog

The Matrix is a series of films, comics, and video games that began with the release of the movie in 1999. Ever since then, it has become the appropriate phrase for when action occurs in slow motion. I feel like this is a place where we're all on common ground. So don't be That Guy and say that you've never pretended you're in The Matrix. Because we all know you sword fight yourself in front of the mirror. Or dream about dodging bullets just in time. Or even play ping-pong with all the slo-mo action effects. Which just happens to be the topic of this vid. Two Asian dudes battle it out, with a little help from people dressed all in black to carry/lift them around. It's pretty great. Thanks to Jansen M. for this little dollop of hilariousity.

Please don't call me a chinchilla

The Beatles have been called the founders of good rock, and the beginning of boy-band brilliance (sweet consonance skills there, oh yeah). Whether you're a fan or not, you most likely know the classics. The exception being that you may live on an isolated Amish farm, in which case you probably don't have access to this blog either. So I'm pretty sure we can rule that one out. In other words, you've heard The Beatles. Their music relates to a wide audience, on different levels. Who knows what was going on when they wrote the lyrics "we all live in a yellow submarine". In other cases it was more clear, such as in the not-so-subtle "I wanna hold your hand". We hear and know their music today. From the old to the very young, all can appreciate songs like Hey Jude. So we can see here as a three year old sings the song from memory. Complete with a diaper and a guitar in hand, the Asian kid gave an amazing performance that brought in millions of views.

Check out the excitement by clicking on the title.

This brain has been polished, professor

I want you all to look back. Look back down the winding, twisting road of our lives. See our futures ahead of us, see our pasts far behind. Now back up a few steps and extract the memory of you reading/watching the Daft Hands post. Remember yourself laughing at the brilliant humor of Sessygirl. Picture clicking on the title, feeling the anticipation as the video loaded. Visualize watching it, amused and amazed. Got that memory solid? Good. That will make this whole experience that much better. Let me introduce you to more people with more sharpies and more time on their hands/bodies. Daft Bodies, my friends, is a response to the original post where the lyrics were written on hands. This involves the same idea, but with full bodies. It's pretty fun. And a neat idea.

Click on the title for the link

Ma has a ham!

Have you ever wondered what would happen if the icons on your computer decide to turn against you? Don't act like that's a silly question. I know you lie awake at night thinking about it. Luckily, someone with some solid time on their hands and better technology skills than yours truly, has presented us with the answer. This little video illustrating Animator vs. Animation, is actually really well done. Plus it's a fun idea, took some creativity, and involves all of your favorite computer icons. What more can I say?

Watch the video by clicking on the title
Make sure to check out this post and vote on the poll on the top right

Cooking pork chops in the toaster

Oh, the wonders of facebook. It's great to log on and have my next post link appear in in the news feed. I mean, how easy is that? Thanks to whoever it was who put this as their status. It's pretty funny, I must admit. You know how when you order a sandwich or burger at a fast food place, they always ask you if you want to make a meal or to supersize your order? Annoying, huh? The Chaser, an Aussie comedy group known for their tv show, sends one of their guys into a McDonalds. He proceeds to order every item on the menu, including every size of each drink, every sauce and dressing flavor, etc. The goal of this was to see at what point they stop asking to make the order bigger. My favorite part's at the end, when they give him the total for all of the food... definitely watch this one.

Check it out - click on the post title.
And vote on the poll before Feb!

The sushi boats are in the harbor for the night

Can we talk movies? Seriously, there's been some good ones that I've seen recently and LOVED. Sure, I've viewed my share of hollywood flops too. But it seems like there's been a whole stream of great/good looking movies out on dvd and in the theaters lately. My 'to see' list includes The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, which has received 13 Oscar nominations, and looks amazing. Also, Slumdog Millionaire, for which many people have said, "you gotta see it". Plus it's gotten 10 Oscar nominations. Something that I've seen fairly recently and was really surprised by was Iron Man. I had about the same reaction to the superhero flick as I did to Transformers. I was not looking forward to seeing either, and blown away because they were good movies. Maybe not best-movie-ever or even top-5 quality, but really, really good. This small parody by CommunityChannel, our youtubing friend Natalie, captured Iron Man perfectly. If you haven't seen the movie, or at least know the idea behind it, you may not appreciate it. But I knew the plot, and laughed out loud. It's short, cute, and funny all in one. What more could you ask for?

Click on the title for the link.

Impressive rutabaga!

A few posts back, I gave you a great way to clear a guilty conscience/ do something spontaneously good. Guess what, I'm keepin' 'em coming. Oh yeah, that's right: I'm on a roll here with these feel-good links. Meet Blackle. This one is an alternative search engine that saves energy by using white text on a black screen versus the usual black on white. So far, 1,052,129.422 watt hours have been saved. Also, the search is run by google, so you don't have to worry about getting different search results than the ones you want. My suggestion: save it as your homepage or default search page, or bookmark it. That way it will be easier to access, and you'll be more likely to use it. This can definitely erase that guilt from last week's littering. Remember? You tossed your gum/bottle/homework/math teacher out on the sidewalk, convincing yourself that whatever it is is biodegradable. Make the switch to Blackle, and be forever forgiven by all (except possibly your math teacher).

Click on the title for the link.

It turns out Harold's not a Jedi.

You may have already seen this, because, well, more than 27 million of you have. It must have taken a lot of patience, practice, and lotion to create this video. "Daft Hands" spells out the lyrics to Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger by Daft Punk and based on Stronger by Kanye West. They do so with words written across their fingers and fists, moving their hands to make them visible. It really gets cool as the song speeds up, and the action becomes so fast that you can't even really read it any more. Nothing much happens for the first 45 seconds, so feel free to skip forward if you don't want to watch the hands groove out before any lyrics come on. Definitely a fun idea if you have sharpies, music, and a lot of time on your hands. Hehehe. Time on your hands, get it? Sometimes I just crack myself up.

Check it out by clicking on the title for the link.

LipSmack heartAttack girlie girl in a pink sleep sack

Credit for this video can't go to any one individual, as it was really a whole group of people who have each told me how weird this is. So I thought to myself, "Weird? I love weird. I'm posting this, whatever it is." Then I saw it. My reaction was a kind of a mixture of emotions. I can't say that I laughed, at least not the first time I saw it. I felt an urge to watch it again/go to sleep/post it right away/not post it at all/say what is this?/eat a whole carton of ice cream. But I had already wanted to do the last one, so I don't know if it counts. Finally, urges 1 and 3 won over, so here we are. Fox 5 News Live showed a contest of two ladies stomping grapes. The winner would be the one who stomped the most juice, and would recieve a free overnight stay at the inn sponsering the contest. I still have no clue how, but grape lady #1 takes a random tumble. I think this got around because of the sounds #1 made after falling, which sounded something like a drowning cow-goat with bronchitis.

Check out the weirdness by clicking on the title for the link

Clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon

Friends and everyone else, I am here for you. I am here to listen to your (many) sins and clear your guilty consciences. I have found for you all a giving/selfless/charitable/easy way to erase your conscience. It's called The Hunger Site. Every time you do something stupid and can't forgive yourself, every time you watch Play it Forward and feel like passing on the good (deep, down) in your heart, turn to this website. All you have to do is follow these three steps as copied from the site:

1. You click daily
2. Sponsors pay for cups of food
3. Shop our store and give more

Simple, right? AHAHAHA that's what you think! I didn't mention the catch. Hmm, no catch. Wait a second, this goes against all laws of human nature. Pure good and goodliness with no fine print? Wow. This is definitely a new concept.

Check it out yourself by clicking on the link
Only a little while left to vote on the poll!

There's a great juggler on the radio tonight!

My message to you all will be brief today, as I am in the middle of the 2 hour season premeire special of the best show on earth. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am very proud to be a LOSTIE. The link I have for you today is the official LOST website from ABC. So feel free to browse, take in all the sneak peeks, the interviews, and all the other goodies. Now I have two things left to say to you.

If you don't watch LOST, you should. Make sure to check the site for the viewing information.

And we have a black president. It's awesome.

Click on the title for the link.

I love animals cause they're made of meat

When I made this post, I thought of you. Yes, each of you, who, like me, go to stinky schools where they don't think that MAJOR NATIONAL EVENTS are worth watching school wide. Hopefully, you were able to persuade your teachers to let you watch at least segments of the inauguration today. But if you happened to end up with stingy Ms. Flingy (rhyming powers, ohh yeah!) who barked "find it later on Hugh Tube or whatever its called" and proceeded to give you hours of meaningless notes, then I feel your pain. Not really, because I ended up with Odierna that block, who gave in to the pressures of the class and let us tune in. But somewhere, I feel your pain. And that is why I found you Obama's speech (wait for it...) in both video and text forms. Will someone tell me how awesome I am? Make sure to give this a watch/read/both and appreciate history before it becomes history. This is just Obama-llama's inaugurational address. If you're interested in viewing all of the hooplah (fun word) involved, then you can feel free to look it up yourself on "HughTube".

Click on the title to watch the video

To see Obama's words in text, click here.

The Bermuda Triangle was a square before Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked one of the sides off

The start of 2009 brings promises of many exciting transitions and sacred traditions. Good times and hardships are looming ahead. Many look forward to Obama's inaugurational speech coming up tomorrow. His presidency represents an exciting transition: a change in America, not only in the way its governed, but in who is governing it. As for sacred traditions that the start of a new year brings, we turn to the famous No Pants Subway Ride. Oh yes. ImprovEverywhere celebrated their eighth year of the subway ride, during which volunteers, or 'agents' removed their pants while on public transportation. You may remember my mention of it in this post where I introduced you all to the wonderful world of ImprovEverywhere. This event occurs on the same day every year, and was this year joined in by 1,200 agents, male and female, in 24 different cities across the globe. Young and old removed their drawers in the freezing cold for the sake of comedy. For just a little taste of the fun of this project, watch this video.

Click on the title for the link

Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.

Hey everyone. If you can't tell, the subject of this post is Birthdays. Because, well, today is Kevin Costner, Benji Schwimmer, Kristy Lee Cook, and Jay Chou's birthday. Oh, yeah, and it's mine too. To find out who else is celebrating today, look here. And a big birthday shout-out to Sasha K., who is probably blowing out candles as we speak. Thanks Sasha for always being such a sweetie! Whew. Now I'm done with all the mushy-gushyness. So time for me to introduce our link for today. Guess what, it's a Birthday card! And a super cute, relatively funny one too. At least my brothers approved it. Hoops and Yoyo are two (what even are they, bunnies?) fun-loving animals who are guaranteed to light up your B-day with this song. Watch it and all of your wildest dreams will come true. And now, a quote from Father Larry Lorenzoni:

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

And on that note, click here to see the card.

As a youth I used to weep in butcher shops

Call me sick, strange, awesome, or purple, but I saw this video and had a fit of histerical laughter. A fit, people, is defined in Webster's dictionary as

1.	a sudden, acute attack or manifestation of a disease, esp. one marked by convulsions or unconsciousness: a fit of epilepsy.

2.	an onset, spell, or period of emotion, feeling, inclination, activity, etc.: a fit of anger; a fit of weeping.

So basically, I looked like I was having some sort of seizure on the couch, all because Jansen M. had to say, "hey, look at this". In fact, I probably resembled, well, a Tickle me Elmo lit on fire. Just like the one I was watching. Do you think that fact that I found that funny is sick/strange/awesome/purple? It does look a bit weird when you picture a laughing children's toy in flame. Especially one so harmless and beloved as our furry friend Elmo. But before you criticize me, I challenge you: watch the video, and we'll see if it can't get even a small hehehe out of you.

Brace yourself and click on the title
Elmo voted on my poll before they doused him in gasoline.

Hey you! Off my planet

Thanks to Meghan A. for keeping me up to date and alerting me to this news story. I'm sure you've all heard something about the plane crash that occurred on Thursday. A plane carrying 155 passengers flew into a flock of birds, several of which were caught in the engines. The hero, a US Airways pilot, saw that they had no choice but to make an emergency landing. They landed safely in NY's Hudson River, on one of its coldest days of the year. As the aircraft began to sink, all 155 were loaded onto boats from the icy waters. Even though paramedics treated close to 80 people, all lived to tell the tale. I'm not a huge-o fan of posting articles, so I made sure that this has a video as an option as well.

Click on the title for the link, and click on the video on the top left if you want
Poll's almost up. Votey vote vote now.

We have located your pants

This is one of the strangest things I've ever seen. I didn't go searching it out, I promise. Blame Amanda S. if you watch this and end up needing therapy. I don't even quite know how to describe it. There's these two guys... at least I was under the impression they were male. It might be the mohawk hairdos, crazy facial expressions, flamboyant dance moves, or the high pitched singing that glued my eyes to the screen. It could be a combination of them all, but for some reason, I couldn't look away until the 2:10 was through. Wow. Why hasn't someone suggested to Obama that the best way to get terrorists to talk is to sit them down in front of painful, but hilarious videos like these? They'd be so mesmirized that they'd start blabbing the goods without hardly being prompted. We're definitely onto something here, people.

Click on the title for the link
Even Obama has voted on my poll. So you better too.

When life gives you lemons... go to CVS and buy a candy bar

I just want to share with all of you one of the most amazing, easy secrets in the whole world. It's called apple dumplings, Ree Drummond style. You remember my bff/idol/favorite person evah Ree, of The Pioneer Woman Cooks. I wrote about her here when she talked about her adventures with Tanner, the Barbie dog. Anyway, she has a whole segment of her blog where she shares her favorite down-home country recipes. She sends them all with plenty of detailed pictures and descriptions of every step. And this recipe, like most of them, is composed mainly of butter and sugar. This one is super easy, uses Pillsbury dough crescent rolls, and a can of mountain dew (I use 7-up). I do usually frown upon recipes involving canned/premade things. But if you have a sweet craving and don't want to go to alot of trouble, make this. Or I'll make it for you if you trade me for something good. We'll talk business later.

Click on the title for the link
I hope you've voted on the poll by now

Is your coffee table decaff?

In order to promote BlendTec Blenders, the company has a website called Will It Blend? where they prove how tough their blenders really are by taking videos of different things inside. For example, they once ground up a brand new Iphone. Other subjects include a video camera, a 7 foot tiki lamp, a GPS, and a video game of Grand Theft Auto. Their host is the incredibly dry and boring Tom Dickenson, who cracks the worst jokes you've ever heard, and speaks in a monotone. But the blending/smashing/destroying things part is cool, so it's worth sitting through. They also have a whole section of videos labeled "Do try this at home".

Check it out by clicking on the title
but make sure to vote on the poll, or your life is missing meaning.

Eating soup with chopsticks

First, let me start off by thanking you all for VOTING ON THE POLL ON THE TOP RIGHT. If you don't understand the poll, then you haven't been reading/have been bad. Click here for the Waterbeds for quadrupeds post, read it, and vote as soon as you're done, or I will tell Santa that you've been bad. And you don't want to make me bring the big guy in the red suit into this, do you? I didn't think so. This post is a great little video about a wedding gone wrong. The ceremony's perfect, bride looks beautiful and says 'I do' just as planned. But when the minister asks the best man of the wedding to bring forward the rings, havok strikes. I don't want to spoil it, but it's pretty much hilarious. It's very short, less than a minute, and the laughs are definitely worth the watch.

Click on the title for the link
vote on the poll gogogo!

I'm a stereotype. I'm not wrong. I'm cuddly.

Here's another from our friend Nat, or communitychannel, on youtube. You know the blue screen, black text of those FBI warnings before movies? I'm talking about the ones that tell you not to copy/distribute the movie you're about to watch, or they'll come after your family and send you all to the island on LOST where you'll spend years trying to get off. And when you finally defeat The Others and find a rescue ship off, you'll get all depressed and start hallucinating that Charlie's alive and saying you've made a mistake. Or you may end up hairy and gross like Jack, in which case you'll find yourself saying, "We have to go back Kate!" Yeah, I know you've probably never read the FBI warnings, but that's what they say. And if you don't watch LOST, you're missing out. So back to Nat, she decided to come up with her own FBI warning. It's pretty sweet.

Click on the title for the link
VOTE ON THE POLL on the right.

Workin' like a one-armed paper-hanger with an itch...

My idol is Ree Drummond, the wit behind Thepioneerwoman.com and all of its related sites. She's an amazing photographer, brilliant cook, fun mom and wife, and laugh-out-loud hilarious person. She posts in different sections off of the main page of her site. I recently ran into one of her posts in Confessions of a Pioneer Woman. In it, Ree describes how she gave in to her daughter's desires by giving her a Barbie and Tanner (the dog) set for Christmas. The toy comes complete with a little doggy dish and pebbles of food for Tanner to eat. The disturbing part: lift up puppy's tail, and he poops out the pebbles you just fed him, which looked more like poop in the first place. As Ree puts it,

"But then my daughter turned around and fed the poop to Tanner again, starting a strange, vicious cycle that has resulted in a state of utter nausea and confusion that I just haven’t been able to shake all day. The whole thing has left me in a gastrointestinal tizzy and flies in the face of all I’ve ever understood about digestion. It’s meant to be a one-way street, for goodness sake. It doesn’t go back in once it comes out."

Interested? Check it out by clicking on the title, and then GO VOTE ON THE POLL on the top right of this blog.

Cycling over melons

Remember Improv Everywhere? My favorite people in the world? Yeah, that's them. So here's one of my favorite of their pranks. In these one, members of the group pose as ordinary New York bystanders in a crowded park. Another member acts a street performer, claiming to be an amazing hypnotist about to demonstrate his powers. He then proceeds to turn the 'bystanders' into thinking they're: an ostrich, falling in love with a stranger, in a desert in desperate need of water, and a stripper. At the end, the 'hypnotists' say each of the code words so that everyone is hypnotised at the same time, and then take off running. A bunch of the audience were threatening to call the cops, and trying to chase after the hynotists. Very funny.

Click the title for the link, and
go vote on the poll on the top right

We've got a chicken with your name on it

This girl, Natalie or something, is really cute. She has her own youtube channel where she posts pretty frequently, so subscribe if you're a fan of this video. I like her because she talks about things we can all relate to- like the 'Don't look now' in this one. It's fun, too, because she acts out the scene's she's describing. She's the only one in them, though, so she plays herself, her friends, teachers, waitresses, etc. Nat gets quite a few views, so her comment sections are always full. Sometimes she'll find her favorite comments and share them, but not on this one. It's a cute idea and fun to watch. Plus she's an Aussie, so just hearing her talk is amazing.

Click on the title for the link
and vote on the poll on the top right

My dog has no nose

This video's a mock music video from the show Flight of the Conchords. They're robots who have just overthrown humankind. It's pretty entertaining. So my Ex. Writing sub today was losing yet another battle with the SmartBoard. The thing's great, if you know how to use it. If not, it's horrifying and makes one even more sure that the computers will one day revolt. Finally, he decides to retreat and admit defeat to technology. Which of course causes us to bring up the robot wars of 2029, and starts him on a rant about which technology will turn against us first. I think it was decided that the vaccum will lead the revolution. I mean, the things keep getting smarter. Soon, they'll figure out that the most effective way to clean up mess is to eliminate the humans with their messy snack foods. That just gives you all something to ponder while watching this video.

Click on the title for the link
and go vote on the poll on the left

Waterbeds for quadrupeds

Ladies and gents, prepare yourselves. Something shocking and surprising has occurred recently, the likes of which have never happened in the life of the blog. The end. Just kidding, there's more. I just like to do that sometimes. So the shocking thing that has happened is that the brilliance and omniscience of Sessygirl has been challenged. Yes, Maddie W. has stepped up to the plate and decided to present me with what she thinks is an even better parody of Miley's 7 things video. Well, I'm going to leave this up to you, viewers. I have no opinion in the matter, but I'm interested in what you think. Look to the top right to the poll, and place your vote before February 1st.

Don't remember the parody I originally posted? View it here
Haven't seen Miley's overdone original? Watch it here

To see contender #2 (Maddie's vote), simply click on the title.

Jello can be food and a friend

This news story is great. A man with a tradition of buying two lottery tickets daily finally gets his big win when one of his tickets cashes in for 10 million big ones. The only problem: the day of the win, the man, 79, dies of a heart attack. His wife of 59 years of marriage, adds that they might have never checked the numbers on it because of the distress of the news of his death. His kids and wife are definitely guaranteed to never have to work again. There's some kind of irony in the whole idea. Cute and short news article.

Read all about it by clicking on the title for the link.

Flossing with angel hair pasta

I read the first Twilight book. And my life didn't suddenly become more meaningful, I didn't begin wishing that all guys at the highschool were vampires and werewolves, and I didn't start replacing names in love songs with Edward and Sessy. But I liked it. Well, really, I liked the story. The writing on the other hand, drove me crazy. Stephanie Meyer, author of the hit book series, has admitted that she's a storyteller, not a writer. And that's fine if you're someone who likes a good story. But to someone who craves juicy language, these books are about as desireable as fish heads. Here's my impression: 'Edward looked at me, his face a mixture of longing, sorrow, excitement, depression, anxiety, confusion, delight, hunger, and constipation.' Obviously, I'm a picky, slight fan. But there are those, whom I may even see every day in the halls of high school, who are hopelessly obsessed. Check out this video to see how this kind of obsession can effect a regular woman. Very funny!

Click on the title to watch

Shoe fly, don't bother me

I love shoe shopping. I mean, who doesn't? But I'll tell you what I'm NOT a fan of: coming home with an adorable pair of heels only to be denied the parental stamp of approval. Now let me be clear: I don't buy footwear that I can't walk in. I steer clear of stilettos and shoes with skinny heels, because, well, I don't enjoy falling flat on my face. But somehow, my practical, well thought-out purchases still fail to impress the folks. If only I walked in wearing some of the shoes in this post! I don't think I'd ever hear the end of it. Honestly, anyone who gives these a second look is insane.

Check out the craziness by clicking on the title

You can't make friends with salad.

Miley Cyrus has got to be one of the most well known, richest people of her age. But the fame comes with a price. Sure, she may be idolized by seven to eleven year olds. But most everyone else has some kind of grudge against her. Some choose to throw darts at Hannah Montana posters. Others take it out creatively. Case in point: this parody of her ridiculously overdone music video for her song 7 Things. Even if you're a fan, you can still appreciate the humor behind the video. Haven't seen the original? Check it out here

(otherwise, just click on the title for the parody link)

Superfluous super flues

Another vid from Improv Everywhere. Don't call me obsessed, they're awesome. In this one, they deliver a big surprise to two little league baseball teams, the Lugnuts and Mudcats, by transforming a standard game into the Major Leagues. Such games are usually attended by only a few parents, but here they were encouraged by dedicated screaming fans who'd come prepared with face paint, posters, and nicknames and chants for each player. As if this wasn't exciting enough, out came the mascots, the jumbotron, the Good Year blimp, and the NBC sports newscasters. The ten year olds weren't quite sure what was going on, but they weren't about to complain. "The rest of the season will be boring compared to this" expressed one coach. So fun!

(watch it by clicking on the title)